you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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