fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize