6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
