I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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