he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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