She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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