I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
