New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
