There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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