One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
