I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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