i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
