the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
