oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
