I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When are your genitals available?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
