i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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