I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Life is so much better after having sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
