i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
