I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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