And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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