my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
