We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
