Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
