Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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