just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
