Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
