At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
