i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
