sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize