there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
