I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
