i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
