hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
