I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
