All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You left your phone here
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