You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
