I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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