someone owes me an orgasm
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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