I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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