and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
