I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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