I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The uberlube is also flammable
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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