Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
