There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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