If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
