This is not my ceiling
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
