please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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