Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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