so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize