if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The air was thick with penises
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize