wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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