Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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