Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
