oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
