I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
