Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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