How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
