life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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