I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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