so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
