Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
