This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
