I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize