I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
