I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my shit smells like andre
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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