I'm drive I can fine osifer
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
