I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
