The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
do nipples grow back?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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