I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it because I queefed?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
