Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize