i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You took a bar mat shot.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
