She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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