You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
