I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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