my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
