Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
