Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
