Where did you get a picture of my penis
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
