May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
