Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
