I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
