..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
