We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
