and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
