If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
