i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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