ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
