I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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