I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
