tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize