R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
