Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I understand Curling. That high.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
