i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
